Monday, February 10, 2014

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I Failed the test!
I am going to take this opportunity to be transparent and reveal a little bit more about my personal life.
One thing I have learned over the last year is that, if I try to do things on my own my way, I fail! Over and over again I Fail! 

My family faced a few struggles this year, it all seemed to unravel when my husband began having some unexplained pain that he is still dealing with today. I am happy to report he is improving, and that we are grateful for who we serve.

As my husband dealt with this pain, he began to isolate himself. We stopped communicating as much, I sat at times helpless as I watched him in excruciating pain. It seemed no matter how I tried to help him I would somehow cause more pain. The simple act of touching his arm sent pain through his body. Our marriage felt a strain that it has never felt before. Not to mention the kids seeing there strong dad broken down… it took a toll in our home. Needless to say I was frustrated, lost and overall a mess! 

I remember one night I was so frustrated I cried and my husband in the mist of his pain gently reminded me that our God is no respecter of persons, and that if he had to deal with this pain for the rest of his life he would do so knowing that through this, somehow our God was being glorified. 

I sat back in awe of my husband. How dare I complain when he was the one in pain. At the time I was having such a hard time even praying that I called a dear friend and asked her to pray on our behalf. As she prayed over the phone a thousand miles away. She spoke of visions and dreams that God had given to my husband and I years ago, and how in them my husband was healthy and whole. I wept… How could I forget His promises.  That night my prayer changed. I began to declare his promises, and his healing. Whether it was for my husbands body or my thoughts. Yes, I am a sinner… Covered by His grace. I repented, asked for forgiveness for taking my eyes off of Him. At that moment I felt the shift throughout our home. I had tried for so long to fix it myself and I failed, But leaning on Him once again and trusting in our heavily Father has brought my husband and I closer than we have ever been. 

One thing we have noticed is that we try so hard to get to a point in our life when we are normal…. When everything goes according to our plan… But I have said this before on this blog and God has definitely reminded me of this… life happens, and we should never be surprised when it does. It is just Gods way of testing us and revealing to us where we are. Do we trust Him? Do we run to Him first? (I admit I sure didn't!)  I got scared and ran in the other direction. I say all this to remind you that we are human, we will make mistakes, trials will come, so how are we going to react? I failed over and over again. God just kept giving me the same test until I passed it! So now I just need to be prepared for the next. Are you prepared for the test? 


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