Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Puzzle Pieces

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I watched my youngest son start a puzzle tonight on the kitchen table. He didn't get far but he had a good start. I had been thinking about my next post how I felt God was leading me to write about healing.  I watched as he put so much careful work into the pieces, that when diner was ready I was prepared to serve it around the puzzle pieces. As soon as I announced that diner was ready I realized my son began taking apart the puzzle without a second thought. I told him there was no need to take it apart and he simple stated "it's ok I can do it again tomorrow". I watched him carefully put all the little pieces back In the box, making sure he didn't lose any.  

 As I continued serving diner I thought about how many times I felt I was broken in my life.. How many times I felt like my life was in a million puzzles pieces, spread out not knowing where to begin to put my life back together.  Which lead to me to think about what it is that makes people feel like they are broken.. A broken heart,  loss of a job, death of a loved one, and so on. I have had a few of those in my life including, my abortion. I thought about the moment that I realized God forgave me for my sin, and how in that moment God showed my a picture.. A glimpse of my life after allowing Him to work in me, I saw a happy life, full of joy, and happiness, I saw laughter and moments of pure happiness. But then the glimpse was gone and I saw the task at hand. I had to let Him help me put the pieces back in place.  

 I thought of the journey and all the times I thought I was ready, the times I would start the puzzle get a few pieces together only to realize the hurt was still to strong.. So I would take it apart again. Making sure I would try and remember those few, where they went, what they felt like and tuck them away so I wouldn't lose them. I took me years of taking the puzzle out of the box, trying it one more time, each time getting a little further than the last. It took a few times of God showing me the picture, the one of hope before I could again try. I also remember the day that I took out the puzzle and thought this is it.. This time it will be done.. This time with Gods help I can do anything. It took me a few months I would at times walk away, but I wouldn't put it away, because God had finally shown me the BIG picture. The one where I realized its not just about me but the other women He is trying to help, it was time I get it done so I could move on to helping other women to heal.  

 For some the journey is long for some it is short, for me it took years. But it was the right, and perfect time because I didn't do it alone. I did it with my heavenly Father, and His timing is perfect! He was grooming me for this season. I am so grateful for the journey and all the things I have learned as well as all the people in my life. 

 What a wonderful Father we have! It amazes me to think of the greatness He is. Yet how much He loves me... How gentle and tender He was with my heart. How patient and careful He was when pressing in and molding me into the woman He created me to.  

 He is waiting for you! So I encourage you to take out the puzzle of your life and start just one pieces at a time to put it together. God is with you, in fact He is our biggest fan! We can't do it alone, we have to do it with Him in order to get it right, because He has the picture, He sees us as whole completed, all of our potential and greatness inside of us. If you have any questions about where to begin just ask me and I prayerfully lead you in the right direction.  I am so excited for you!  


Monday, January 23, 2012

Lack of Knowledge

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I use to joke with my husband that I wouldn't mind trading our sin, PLEASE let me explain. See my husband use to be an alcoholic, believe me I don't make light of that at all! I know alcoholism is very serious and has ruined many lives!! But compare abortion next to that and you would think abortion is worse!! Hard to imagine that to our Heavenly Father sin is sin, no matter how big or how small it is to us He sees it all the same! 

Now I use to joke and say that to my husband because I lost count of how many alter calls I have been a witness to that asked for anyone who had or has a drinking problem, not to mention drug addiction. But I can count on one hand the times I have heard one for abortion... Now I totally understand why! Because what woman in her right mind would want to walk up front for that one. Maybe pastors don't do it for fear no one will step out, and that makes me wonder why that is. 

My People are destroyed for lack of knowledge...
Hosea 4:6

The Bible is filled with this Knowledge that is spoken of.. Of Gods law! I could write about it endlessly. So to keep this short I will put it simply as this.. God Forgives all!!! Here are just a few examples;

Come now let us reason together, says the Lord. Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool. 
Isaiah 1:18

When we were overwhelmed by sins, you forgave our transgressions. 
Psalm 65:3

All the profits testify about Him that everyone who believes in Him receives forgiveness of sins though His name.  
Acts 10:43 

So here is what I don't understand.. how come with this truth... because it is TRUTH.. do so many churches continue to ignore the topic of abortion? How is it that is it ok and acceptable for an alcoholic to step forward and accept healing and prayer then it is for a woman who has had an abortion? I will go out on a limb and say it is because of the lack of knowledge! Not on the behalf of our leaders but because of the lack of communication from the leaders to the congregation. I, like someone who commented on one of my earlier post can only recall hearing 

abortion is wrong,
abortion is a sin, 

but again I can count on only one hand the times I have heard...

if you have had one you are covered by the blood
you can be forgiven if you ask
you can have healing if you ask for it
God Loves you even if you have had an abortion

now don't get me wrong we hear that about sin in general but still we rarely hear abortion named in the list.. adultery, drug addiction, alcoholism, liars, pornography, and so on..  

I would venture to say that maybe.. just maybe if that were knowledge that were openly discussed in a church setting you would have a lot less hurting women! You would have more women coming forth at an alter call.. more women seeking out healing.

Now that I have said that I will also remind you that we can't put all the blame on church leaders. We have to be able to seek Gods word on these topics on our own as well. We need to be digging into Gods word to discover what God says about us all. I do say the above for the those who have little knowledge those seeking God for the first time.. the newcomers, the people who don't now how to read the bible yet. But we have a responsibility as Christians to share the word of God.. I heard a saying years ago that has always stuck with me, 

Sometimes we are the only bible someone will read!

How true is that! How many people do you know that won't pick up a bible but will sit and listen to you talk!! 

How many woman and men need to be destroyed because of the lack of knowledge that the blood Jesus shed was enough for our sin as well. 

So that is why I use to joke with my husband.. because I myself would find it easier to run up to an alter and say "Yes I use to be a alcoholic" out loud than to run up and say "Yes I had an abortion!".. but then again I don't think I ever had that opportunity...

I will wrap this post up (trust me its hard to stop myself sometimes) by telling you about a woman I had the honer of meeting. She is in her late 50s early 60s maybe... and she had an abortion over 30 years ago. She had never... and I mean NEVER told anyone of her abortion until the day I met her. Not her husband her children no one! I could feel some of her pain but could only imagine the deep pain she felt that day, the fear of rejection that lived inside of her. I watched her hold back tears as she learned of Gods forgiveness. There were more people that day that I learned had never told anyone and still felt so much shame and pain. These were all Christian, church going, educated, well respected women. Some worked in the medical field, some where leaders in there churches, some were homemakers. All seeking Gods forgiveness.. I say this to again remind you that you just never know! 

Don't judge, don't turn your backs on them, love them as Jesus would and tell them about Gods forgiveness.

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness 
1 John 1:19


Tuesday, January 17, 2012

You Never Know!!

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About a year ago I was researching how to explain that life begins the moment of conception,  I have read many examples in the Bible including in one of my favorites Psalms 
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mothers womb.
                                                                                     Psalm 139:13
But I wanted to be able to explain it to some who who was either a non believer or someone who just needed to understand it better.. I need to be able to explain it to a believer of the 2 misguided theories "it's not a baby yet" and " it's just a lump of tissue". My search led me to a YouTube video where Mike Huckabee interviews Kathy Ireland, and simply put she explains how a newborn baby does not look like a toddler but is still a living being, a toddler does not look like an adult but is still a living being and so on.. Just like a baby at 2 hours of conception does not look like a newborn but is still a living being! Obviously she goes into further detail, lol but that is the part that stood out to me the most! I will post the link below! 

I remember I couldn't sleep that night... Because for me, every revelation was a deeper understanding of my own experience.  What if I took my 5 year old Landon, to a Dr. that specializes in ending 5 year old lives? For whatever the reason...  How would you react?  Well the truth is that is what I did. Just with my five week old baby in my womb. I don't beat around the bush or try to sugar coat what I did.. And even though I am able to type this without crying right now doesn't mean my hands aren't shaking.  All I can say is thank you Father for your mercy! ... Where would I be without you! 

So again why talk about this over and over again... Because people need to hear it. Again 1 in every 2 1/2 women have had an encounter with an abortion. One of the women i went to church with, who shared the link to my blog on her Facebook page summed it up perfectly when she said don't judge a book by its cover.. She's right. She had no idea that I had dealt with this in my life,  and honestly a lot of people in my life still have a hard time believing it. But I did, so you never really know! 

I met a woman once who had 2 abortions in her past.. She is now a 50 some year old woman never married and has no children and I watched cry and mourn the family she should have had, the 2 children she aborted, the family she will never have on this earth, she said she never imagined she would never be married and childless.  My heart ached for her. Again... You just never know. 

Today I look at my children And I try, I try everyday to be the best mom I can be. I hold them, hug them, kiss them... I love talking to them and watching them grow into these wonderful little people.. I praise God for entrusting me to be their Mommy.. I am so grateful for the people God has placed in my life, especially those who have been Jesus with skin on for me. Who have never given up on me, and who make me strive to be the best mom I can be!

Again thank you for reading, I encourage you to comment, email, subscribe and share this blog. You never know who will read it and find out they are not alone, and that mercy is there for the taking, it is abundant and never failing! 



Tuesday, January 10, 2012

My Why..

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Thank you all so much for the awesome support and for the comments, that means a lot to me. But for those of you asking why... Here it is. I am not huge into statistics, in fact I very rarely keep up with them and you won't see me use to many of them, however for this post I will. Statistics show that 4 out of every 10 pregnancies are aborted, that is about 1 out of every 2 1/2. To put it another way nearly half of pregnancies are unplanned and over 22% of American pregnancies are aborted. Aren't those numbers scary? Just because something is legal does not make it right. 

All I can think about when I see these statistics is, if God Has a plan for each of our lives then what lives have been taken? How many future Doctors, mothers, fathers, spouses, teachers, preachers, and future presidents have been killed.. Maybe the reason that the cure for cancer hasn't been found is because the person that was destined to find it was aborted before they were even born?! How many lonely people do you know that feel like they never found the "one" for them, maybe it's because the one God had destined to be their husband or wife was aborted before the had a chance to live. 

 It hurts to think about all the moments, hugs, snuggles, kisses I miss out on. Or to think about what type of future my child would have had, what lives they might have touched, or who is the person they were supposed to marry that will never meet him or her... Even what grand children I should have had. This is a hard truth. I don't say any of this to make you sad, only to inform you of the one that loves us. I praise God that in Him I have found forgiveness and peace. Please know that if you have had one, we have a God that loves us, places people in our lives that will also love us, and that we can live a life full of abundant joy. 

My son Zia :)
 I struggled with the timing of this blog for the mere fact that to start it would mean I was putting myself out there for anyone who has ever had a part of my life to read! I refused to start this until my own children knew.. I didn't want them to find out through someone else.. So a year ago this month I told my children, as best as I could for the 2 younger ones of course lol. But my oldest now knows. He didn't reject me as I had imagined so many times, in fact he hugged me tight and cried with me because he hated the fact that I had hurt so long due to this. He is just as supportive as my wonderful husband! I also told my younger sister whom I love so much! 

 I just chose now to live my life helping others, in any way that I can. I pray God continue to give me boldness to speak about these things. Now I thank you again if you have read this far! :) but just a reminder this is a part of the blog but not the focus. Being a mom is one of the most beautiful things ever, and I plan on sharing that with you too. Again thank you so much! Please share this blog with all your friends because the truth is you never know who it may touch. Comment, follow, subscribe, and anything else this page offers lol! Have a good night! 


Monday, January 9, 2012

Hi :)

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Welcome and thank you for clicking on my blog on this day, I am nervous and excited all at the same time. My name is Stella and I want to tell you a little bit about myself and about my family to help you better understand the purpose behind this blog.

I am a Christian woman, married to an amazing God fearing man named Richard, I have three incredible kids.. actually I have 5! Let me explain.. I have three living and 2 who are with their heavenly Father. I want to tell you a little more about them. Zia is my 11 year old son he is such an amazing kid! He of course has his moments but he truly is a blessing to me and in many ways his birth saved my life (I will explain that in a little bit). Then there is Alyssa my beautiful 7 year old, who is a mini mommy, she has such a huge heart and she's not afraid to show it. Finally there is my 5 year old Landon, who is my snuggler. He is so sweet and loving but it was a journey! He was what Dr James Dobson calls a strong willed child.. but wow has God done a work in him!

Now in 2005 I had a miscarriage which of course is devastating, but the fact that I know I will meet him or her someday brings me peace. Which brings me to my last child, which is my first child. Now please understand that this is still hard for me to talk (or write) about, but I know that I must, because it is a part of my testimony. In 1999 I was a married 19 year old, but I was very lost. I was in the Army and far from home. I didn't have the best self esteem at the time and after my wedding I learned that my husband was verbally and physically abusive. I learned I was pregnant 2 months after our court wedding. My mentality at the time was that with a baby I would never be able to escape my husband so I made up my mind to have an abortion.

Now before I continue please know that I am 100% Pro Life now.. but I made that choice as a 19 year old, and completely uneducated on the decision I was making. I will say that moment changed my life! After the abortion I fell into a deep depression and shorty after that I began having suicidal thoughts. After a restraining order I was finally able to get a divorce, but my depression continued and I had no idea how to deal with it. When I found out I was pregnant with my oldest son I was encouraged by people to have another abortion, but I just couldn't. I was still in the Army and stationed in Germany. When my son was born at Wright Patterson Air force Base in Ohio my life again changed. I became a  "Mommy". The joy that I have from that is beyond anything in this world! My life had a new purpose, to be Zia's mom and raise him the best way I could.

Now believe it or not my story doesn't end there!  After my miscarriage my Pastor called to check on me.. during this phone conversation he comforted me by reminding I would meet them in heaven some day. I remember the fear that came to me that night, the questions I had.. my attention was turned to my abortion, I thought I would meet them and when I did would they hate me.. would they be angry.. would I ever be forgivin for the sin I committed, was I being punished!? And for the first time I understood the  depression I had felt so many years earlier. I had sinned, I had chosen to end the life of my baby, and for the first time I allowed myself to mourn!!

Years later God placed a woman named Julia in my life who has a For Life Ministry, I have to say I love how my God works!! I was asked to help with an event she was putting together and I agreed. But as I sat in the meeting I found I couldn't hold back the emotion and left to room. I felt shame, Julie later came to me and to my surprise hugged me. She knew, and I felt relief because no one other than my husband and the 2 people who had encouraged to go through with it knew.. She was gentle when she spoke to me and let me know that when I was ready she was there. She has no idea that her hug was the start of my healing.  I saw Julie a few times a week for years and she never pushed me, she would occasionally check in with me, but she never pressured me.  The love and compassion she showed me revealed the love of Christ. I learned that this was the same love and compassion he had for me. That the blood Jesus shed on the cross was enough to cover the sin I thought was unforgivable.

Years later I called Julia and meet with her in her home where she pointed me in the direction of H.E.A.R.T Healing the Effects of Abortion Related Trauma. Now by this time I had processed a lot of the pain and healing. But I knew that I could not let my baby's death be in vain, That I had gone through this and that all things would be turned to glorify God. I have a message and a testimony that is meant for women who have had an abortion and now feel the same helplessness and shame that I felt.. and with this message came a message from God. Yes you sinned, but He has covered your sin. He is just waiting on you to ask for forgiveness, to turn away from your sin, and never do it again.

So yes I will talk about my abortion... I am here if anyone else wants to talk about it as well.  But I will also talk about being a mom, the daily gifts our kiddos give us, the Life that God wants us to have, and how to be the best moms we can be. This is a blog about Life and all the joys that come with it.

          You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. 
                                         Genesis 50:20 

So I would love it, if you comment, share this page, subscribe, and join me on this journey, on this Mission from God that he has set me on. And let us explore all that is included in the word "Mommy".