Hi :)

Welcome and thank you for clicking on my blog on this day, I am nervous and excited all at the same time. My name is Stella and I want to tell you a little bit about myself and about my family to help you better understand the purpose behind this blog.

I am a Christian woman, married to an amazing God fearing man named Richard, I have three incredible kids.. actually I have 5! Let me explain.. I have three living and 2 who are with their heavenly Father. I want to tell you a little more about them. Zia is my 11 year old son he is such an amazing kid! He of course has his moments but he truly is a blessing to me and in many ways his birth saved my life (I will explain that in a little bit). Then there is Alyssa my beautiful 7 year old, who is a mini mommy, she has such a huge heart and she's not afraid to show it. Finally there is my 5 year old Landon, who is my snuggler. He is so sweet and loving but it was a journey! He was what Dr James Dobson calls a strong willed child.. but wow has God done a work in him!

Now in 2005 I had a miscarriage which of course is devastating, but the fact that I know I will meet him or her someday brings me peace. Which brings me to my last child, which is my first child. Now please understand that this is still hard for me to talk (or write) about, but I know that I must, because it is a part of my testimony. In 1999 I was a married 19 year old, but I was very lost. I was in the Army and far from home. I didn't have the best self esteem at the time and after my wedding I learned that my husband was verbally and physically abusive. I learned I was pregnant 2 months after our court wedding. My mentality at the time was that with a baby I would never be able to escape my husband so I made up my mind to have an abortion.

Now before I continue please know that I am 100% Pro Life now.. but I made that choice as a 19 year old, and completely uneducated on the decision I was making. I will say that moment changed my life! After the abortion I fell into a deep depression and shorty after that I began having suicidal thoughts. After a restraining order I was finally able to get a divorce, but my depression continued and I had no idea how to deal with it. When I found out I was pregnant with my oldest son I was encouraged by people to have another abortion, but I just couldn't. I was still in the Army and stationed in Germany. When my son was born at Wright Patterson Air force Base in Ohio my life again changed. I became a  "Mommy". The joy that I have from that is beyond anything in this world! My life had a new purpose, to be Zia's mom and raise him the best way I could.

Now believe it or not my story doesn't end there!  After my miscarriage my Pastor called to check on me.. during this phone conversation he comforted me by reminding I would meet them in heaven some day. I remember the fear that came to me that night, the questions I had.. my attention was turned to my abortion, I thought I would meet them and when I did would they hate me.. would they be angry.. would I ever be forgivin for the sin I committed, was I being punished!? And for the first time I understood the  depression I had felt so many years earlier. I had sinned, I had chosen to end the life of my baby, and for the first time I allowed myself to mourn!!

Years later God placed a woman named Julia in my life who has a For Life Ministry, I have to say I love how my God works!! I was asked to help with an event she was putting together and I agreed. But as I sat in the meeting I found I couldn't hold back the emotion and left to room. I felt shame, Julie later came to me and to my surprise hugged me. She knew, and I felt relief because no one other than my husband and the 2 people who had encouraged to go through with it knew.. She was gentle when she spoke to me and let me know that when I was ready she was there. She has no idea that her hug was the start of my healing.  I saw Julie a few times a week for years and she never pushed me, she would occasionally check in with me, but she never pressured me.  The love and compassion she showed me revealed the love of Christ. I learned that this was the same love and compassion he had for me. That the blood Jesus shed on the cross was enough to cover the sin I thought was unforgivable.

Years later I called Julia and meet with her in her home where she pointed me in the direction of H.E.A.R.T Healing the Effects of Abortion Related Trauma. Now by this time I had processed a lot of the pain and healing. But I knew that I could not let my baby's death be in vain, That I had gone through this and that all things would be turned to glorify God. I have a message and a testimony that is meant for women who have had an abortion and now feel the same helplessness and shame that I felt.. and with this message came a message from God. Yes you sinned, but He has covered your sin. He is just waiting on you to ask for forgiveness, to turn away from your sin, and never do it again.

So yes I will talk about my abortion... I am here if anyone else wants to talk about it as well.  But I will also talk about being a mom, the daily gifts our kiddos give us, the Life that God wants us to have, and how to be the best moms we can be. This is a blog about Life and all the joys that come with it.

          You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. 
                                         Genesis 50:20 

So I would love it, if you comment, share this page, subscribe, and join me on this journey, on this Mission from God that he has set me on. And let us explore all that is included in the word "Mommy".